Sunday, November 15, 2009

Not my own.........

Kenny called me and told me he had another job offer from the Christian owner of the tire shop we visited while there last March. Now going from $25 per hour to $15 I hourly is a significant reduction, but as I began to think about it, I heard God whispering to me that He was giving me the desires of my heart. I said, “What? How?” He brought to memory the past several years I have been asking Him to draw me closer to Him and to help me trust Him to a greater degree. Wow! This is it? Figures it has to involved finances, one of the hardest areas to totally surrender. I have not had trouble cheerfully giving 20% of my income when I made good money, but was I ready for us to live on almost half of what Ken made here in Oregon to grow closer to God, to trust him more fully? If not, whoa! I have a bigger issue on my hands than my distance from God or lack of trusting Him fully.

Am I trusting in money through Ken’s job or want to avoid stressing about money? That’s not trusting God for my finances. Do I want Ken to make more money so we can help our kids and others? That’s not trusting God to financially care for or provide for them. Would I rather have more money to give to God? I know God doesn’t need my money and can multiply any amount we give to increase the kingdom for Him.

Surrendering means giving up what I think I have a right to. In all actuality, when I gave my life to the Lord, did I mean for a time, only if certain requirements were met or just specific areas of my life? I don’t recall making a deal with him such as this but somehow when it comes to asking more from me than I had expected to give, conditions fill my head and fear seems to grasp my heart.

Have I not built enough monuments reminding me of God’s faithfulness, protection, goodness and sovereignty? Why would I think he would stop supplying our needs when that is basically what we are going out to Arizona with and not much else? Why is it hard for me to trust Him yet again, when I have peace about this decision of Kenny’s even though it was NOT my first choice? Could I be engineering my own peace over this massive pay deduction? Uh, I would think not.

So I have a choice . . . will I surrender or grasp tightly that which doesn’t belong to me in the first place? Hmmm, let me think, or rather pray about this. What is there really to think about? What is there really to pray about? Do I love God or not? Have I totally given Him my life or have I not? Do I trust Him or don’t I? I believe a surrender that brings me closer to sweet Jesus and causes me to trust in Him more is the only choice for me. Awww, a sweet surrender it is. Arizona, here we come!

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