Thursday, November 19, 2009

A Day of Refelction

This morning is a difficult morning already and it is only a little after 8 am. Baby is still gone, our family's old Lhasa Apso girl. She was blind due to dry eye that somehow causes her eyes to get stuck shut about every other day. I had just had a friend bathe her and I still needed to un-stick her eyes. A slow process that is not fun for either one of us but it provides a fraction of vision she needs to get around comfortably. Baby knew our house inside well, but the outside and off the deck was pretty much unknown territory.

It was about 1 pm yesterday that I was in a hurry to get ready for work and get out the door when I picked Baby up and gently gave her a shove out back so she could go potty without my supervision. When I put her out front, someone must watch her because if left for more than a few minutes, she wonders down the street like an elderly woman with Alzheimer's. I was rustling around getting things together and I last remember walking by the back door to see her go off the deck to go potty. I took a bathroom break myself and got caught up in finishing my hair so I could get to work on time looking half way decent. I rushed out the door, forgetting to let Baby back in. It as a very busy day for me and I didn't finish at the YMCA until
6 pm, home about 5:10 and then rushing around yet again to grab my notebook and Bible and had off the Divorce Care for Kids at Parkway Christian Center. My second intern job. Still, I had not remembered I had left Baby outside. By 9 pm I was exhausted and excited to find my daughter and her hubby came up from California to visit. I was thrilled it was time to take all the doggies out for their potty breaks before they were locked up for the night. This was around 11 pm and it hit me, Baby was not in the house for me to let out. I thought my heart was going to stop. I quickly grabbed my coat and ran outside with a flashlight , combing every inch of the yard overgrown with grass and dead weeds. I called and called, no answer, no movement. I went form one corner to the next, scanning the edges against the fence, looking under boards, anywhere she might have wondered as she was seeking shelter to stay warm. My daughter came out with flashlight in hand, inspecting every inch of the rain-soaked yard and into our pasture of half an acre, scouring ditches and hunting along fence lines for a little ball of fluff; lifeless or not. With temperatures in the low 30,s a small, bony dog has little chance of survival past a few hours, not to mention late into the frigid night. We jumped in the car and drove up and down our street for an almost an hour, checking out ditches, looking behind bushes and under parked cars in driveways. She was nowhere to be found.

It is almost 9 am and still not sight of Baby. I can count the times I woke last night, shuffled to the back door, flipped on the patio light and peered out the frosty window in hopes of seeing her huddled against the glass door. Realizing this is all my fault why she is not comfortably sleeping under my coffee table, just a couple of feet from a splendid fire in our woodstove, I cried off and on throughout the night, one minute wondering where she could be; did she find one of the escape holes to the front yard and wander down the road again only to be picked up by someone driving by? Hopefully this was her fate. Perhaps someone who caught sight of her before running her over and felt sorry for her, whisked her up into their car and she rested all night in a warm, cozy warm living room with a snack before nodding off to sleep. Prayerfully, she is still sleeping as she usually does until about 11 am, and then wakes to a nice breakfast and lots of petting an calm, soothing voices around her. I can only hope and pray she is alright.

I guess this is where trust comes in, in its fullness. I caused this most unfortunate event and there is nothing I can do to ensure Baby's safety, warmth, or security right now. It is up to God. I will keep praying for Baby and have informed my family and friends, near and far, of the dire need to be praying for her safety, wherever she is.

God reminds us to "Trust in the Lord and lean not on our own understanding" in Proverbs 3:5. I must trust God for Baby's safety and very life and lean not on my own understanding of what might have happened to her. knowing God wants me to trust in Him, makes me feel a bit better because I know God is able to keep that which concerns me. So in this case, I believe He is with Baby, wherever she is; watching over her and calming her fears. Now, I must continue on with my day, praying for her return and trusting God to care for her as His creation. Trusting God . . . what a lesson indeed.

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